What is Mediation and What Are My Divorce Choices?

Whether you have a hotly litigated case in court,  you share crumb cake and coffee in your mediator’s office, or you mediate online, divorce is never easy. Especially if you have been hurt or if you feel financially unstable, all too often, there’s the idea that taking your soon to be ex to court is going to deliver emotional or financial stability that you are looking for. 

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce Mediation places the choices for your future in your hands, not in the judgment of the stranger in black robes.  The mediator acts as the third party neutral guiding the parties to a reasonable resolution.

Like it or not, suing your soon to be ex is unlikely to give you the relief of feeling of satisfaction that you’re looking for.  Whether you’re fleeing a narcissistic or negotiating the end of your relationship with a perfectly reasonable spouse, no matter what path you take, going through divorce is one of the most devastating life transitions. 

Divorce Relief You Can’t Get From Court.

What is Litigation?

Litigation is the traditional approach to divorce.  Divorce litigation is both combative and aggressive.  Rather than working together, the divorce is adversarial with two lawyers fighting it out in court in front of a judge

A top tip to move through your divorce with ease is to walk away from a senseless argument loop.  You may especially need extra help if your soon to be ex is a narcissist. Often the conflicts in divorce proceedings — money, children — are not the real issues. Deeper relationship issues such as anger, resentment, or even fantasies of revenge, often come into play.  I know from years in the field, divorce coparenting is one of the most difficult parts of the puzzle.  And, the fact the divorce process tends to be energetically and financially depleting, doesn’t make it any easier. 

But, that does not mean that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.  Your divorce can still be your launchpad to something better.  And, even though divorce mediation can still be emotionally draining, in most cases, it is the path that will create the least toxic long-term outcomes for you and your family.  It’s hard to “unhear” all the horrible things that come up in the context of the court process.  Remember, if you go to court, some attorneys will take the idea of “zealous advocacy” to a level that ultimately causes collaborative damage that lasts long after the court process is over.

Find a Mediation Friendly Divorce Lawyer to Protect Yourself

As a lawyer, I know that litigators can be very critical of mediated agreements.  It’s true that sometimes mediated agreements have very loose language that a court cannot later enforce.  But, there is a way to protect yourself from this by having it reviewed by an excellent mediation friendly attorney. 

In fact, I always counsel my clients to find out their rights prior to mediating and then to have the agreement reviewed before signing.  But remember, there’s plenty of potential for problems with court decisions as well.  For instance, the judge will never truly understand what your family’s needs are and may very well create an agreement that doesn’t please either of you.

Save Money and Time

Mediation saves time.  It saves money. And, it is way more likely to result in an agreement that will stand the test of time.  If you want a peaceful divorce or even an amicable divorce, before running to court, consider the benefits of in person or online mediation may offer you.   Believe it or not, even if your relationship has a power imbalance, with a strong, compassionate mediation may work for you and your family.  You will be in the comfort and safety of your environment.  Plus the mediator can carefully moderate to be sure that you both get equal time to speak and express your perspective and concerns. 

Often, the decision to go to court is made in haste, not knowing where else to turn.  There is the false sense of there being a sense of WINNING at the end.  But the fact of the matter is that by taking a step back, you can often move forward between you and your spouse, without the stress and expense of the court.  PLUS, decisions you make with one another, are much more likely to last for the long-game. There’s no way around the fact that divorce is a loss that must be grieved.  But, there is a silver lining and a clear path forward.  While doing the hard work of coming to the table to negotiate now through online mediation you will make it easy for yourself and for your family for years to come.  

P.S. Want more tools and resources to stay positive during a divorce? Download my Free Divorce Survive & Thrive Kit below!

PLUS if you are looking for resources to divorce in Massachusetts, click here for some useful information regarding child support and click here for information regrading that financial disclosure form that you will need to file your divorce.

With support and strength,

Includes a financial blueprint for divorce, a co-parenting guide, and the BEST strategies to help you stay positive and take care of yourself during divorce and beyond.